Chapter 39 I’m Waiting
Chapter 39: I’m Waiting
Mrs. Kerney came to me when the world was covered with a brilliant morning, and as soon as I handed her the manuscript, I fell into a world of peaceful sleep.
That’s how I’ve been sleeping all day. As if the god who breathed his breath into shaping a person took it away for a while. Until he finally gave me his breath again, I was helplessly locked in somewhere far, far away from even a dream.
It was not until the next evening that I woke up and managed to join, but the dinner tasted hazy.
Throughout the meal, my mother complained, saying that she was about to go to wake me up immediately if one more day had passed. It was a surprisingly gentle treatment. For letting your daughter sleep and stay awake at random times while she struggled with writing the novel that you disapproved of.
It has been less than three months since I hung on to my novel, forgetting my meal, sleep, and sometimes even the date. Nevertheless, I’ve been devastated ever since I sent the manuscript to the academy. Like a lost child.
What did I do before writing? Was it a life of reading and pondering on my favorite book many times, transcribing verses that I liked, playing the piano, or going downtown to browse bookstores, or drinking coffee?
…… it suddenly feels rather trivial.
Of course, I hadn’t abandoned my routine of meeting my only best friend Viola. Going home and talking all night. I’ve spent quite a lot of time with Tobias in recent months. I can’t say it’s special, but it’s fun.
But now both of them are far away, so this moment feels more empty.
“I really enjoyed the meal.”
“Are you going to get up already?”
Madame Kerney widened her eyes. The light of a soft candle fluttered in pale colors on the bridge of her nose.
“I slept too long, so my taste buds…….”
I raised myself with a smile. Sooner or later, my mother will go to bed early, Madame Kerney and Julia will not be idle, as the housework is inherently endless.
In fact, I don’t feel like talking to someone right now. There is no one in the house who can listen to me and share my worries due to an unnamed anxiety. I know they’re good people, but…….
“I’m lonely.”
I left through the door, muttering lonelily. I’m not trying to go somewhere, but I think if I drink the night air, the feeling of depression will go away a little.
It was quite dark outside. Even though it is March, the smell of winter is deeply ingrained in the wind that touches my hair.
“…I can still breathe.”
Spring was still far away. I gently opened the shawl wrapped over my shoulders. The stars were looking down at me.
If I look closely, I’ve never been so deeply passionate about something before, even if I were to look back on my previous life of 20 additional years. The act of reading gave me pleasure, but the act of writing a story using my sentences was a dream itself.
That’s why my heart feels empty. If the academy doesn’t pick my novel, I won’t be able to write until I get married as promised with my mother.
The harsh words my mother said that evening still stabbed my heart like thorns. It’s even more painful because I don’t know how slim the chances of my novel getting selected are.
I can’t expect much because I’ll be judged by those with academy majors or unnamed writers who have written all their lives. I can’t deny the fact that it may all be for naught, causing a futile dream.
Anxiety always feeds on worry. The only object that will never leave me, which is made up of feelings of loneliness, will be this deep anxiety that wanders under my feet.
It is like a shadow. That’s why we are often trapped in anxiety at night like this.
“Haa…”
Even if I try to comfort myself by arguing that how many people live a life of conviction, I quickly become helpless.
What does it feel like to just walk on a firm path? Moreover, if you have the talent and generous background that perfectly fits the path. I wonder if such a person really exists, but I soon accept it. I even know his scent.
Suddenly, when I looked up, I saw a faint light in the distance. It was the light coming from the window of the house across the street.
“…….”
That man is not my neighbor. He’s just a crazy stalker.
But is he really, Alan Leopold?
“…….”
……I may be out of my mind thinking like this.
Mrs. Kerney said that the house seems to be still empty, but did he just move in today? If he came in already, why is he revealing his existence now when I’m watching….
Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I couldn’t help but feel that the light was beckoning and he was waiting.
That doesn’t mean I have the courage to knock on the door of that house to make a deal with him or to make sure that the stalker is really Alan Leopold. I shook my head with my eyes closed.
I am well aware that my method of covering up and looking at problems that cannot be solved is bad. But it’s too terrifying to face him anyway. It’s like a nightmare that has no sense of reality and you just want to ignore it.
The only way to overcome the situation without making the people around me tremble in fear is to go to Lunoa, but…… I have to think of a feasible direction.
However, I should never relax. Even if I don’t believe he’ll harm me immediately, the stalker is far away from my common sense. He even bought a mansion across from my house, which may signal that he will gradually narrow the distance.
What is at the end of his plan? I feel like I’m suffocated.
Sadly, I can’t escape to the Principality of Lunoa on my own. Then… How about visiting my relatives?
Although I have few relatives, maybe my aunt, who lives far from the capital, may accept a visit from me. Her situation is better than ours, and maybe her quiet rural life is lonely, so I can be a welcomed companion.
“Then my mom…….”
My mother will probably feel lonely, even if she doesn’t show it. It will be after next year at the earliest for my father, who is in the military, to return to the capital.….
There is no way I can get permission in fact. A quiet rural life would be good to write my novel, but in the eyes of my mother, it would only mean that I would give up on my marriage. It’s a place where there are no young men. Also, it’s too far from social circles to give excuses that I am looking for a marriage partner.
What about waiting for Tobias to come back? If he hadn’t changed his mind, he could promise to get married and go to New Ditch together.
That’s a great way to get out of the shadow of that terrible stalker. Toby will support my dream affectionately, so if I become Mrs. Miller, I may be able to write freely.
However, for this reason, I can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable and stuffy about whether I can marry him.
“… It’s cold.”
Was it too long? Suddenly, my body trembled. It’s been a long time since my fingertips became as cold as ice.
I didn’t feel much better, but I turned around to get inside. I don’t want to catch a bad cold.
It was that time. The cheerful sound of the carriage, which I thought would pass by the house, stopped suddenly.
“Melissa!”
What followed was the voice I had dreamed of.
“…….Viola!”
As she ran with all her strength, I hugged her tightly. The small body gave me a warm feeling.
“The carriage sound was you! Why did you come here by carriage?”
“I have some luggage. These are from Piccom’s land.….”
Simultaneously with those words, a blunt horseman moved a thick bag at the door and returned to the carriage.
Only then did I look straight at my best friend’s face. A cute smile was shining even in the dark night air. I was more fortunate than anything else because she looked bright.
“When did you come to the capital? What about your husband?”
“This afternoon. It’s my dad’s birthday. Jacob came alone because he had something to do.”
“Ah…”
“I came here after dinner on purpose. Is it too late?”
“No.”
Once again, I hugged Viola tightly.
“Welcome.”
“I can’t breathe, Mel! You missed me a lot.”
“Yes. I have so much to say.….”
I buried my head on the back of her soft neck with a whining voice without realizing it.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m going to sleep here tonight. Let’s go in.”
Viola comforted me maturely and led me to the doorstep. She must have brought a bunch of stories that I, too, needed to hear.
With our arms crossed and our bodies pressed against each other, we turned around, leaving the mansion at a distance where a faint light leaked out.
* * *
There was a knock in the quiet office where there was no sign of movement.
“Young master.”
The man who approached the owner of the office and gave his greetings was neither the aide or subordinate, but a servant of the family.
“This…”
His trembling hand held out a pile of papers. On the very front page, in elegant brush strokes, was written:
“As you instructed, I commissioned an academy official to transcribe it.”
“Okay.”
Alan, who stopped his busy signing hand, accepted it. A bright smile suddenly appeared on his emotionless face. It was so rare that it inspired servants.
Alan recruited one of the judges of the academy in advance. It was as simple as breathing. After that, he disguised a servant as a student and made him receive the completed manuscript, but the excited servant was already walking on the clouds.
“By the way, master, are you going to the mansion tonight? There are no servants in the new place yet, if you are uncomfortable ….”
Did he think he had built a special bond because he performed personal and a secret task? Delusion was free, but it was a very annoying class.
“No, it’s enough.”
Alan decided to answer him gently even by looking at the things he brought.
“I’m going to leave soon.”
“But this servant is anxious to please the one who’s leaving soon”
But as the servant continued to speak with an even more remorseful expression on his face, the smile disappeared from Alan’s lips.
It’s because he’s so slow-witted.
“You’re not different from usual, but you’ve finished all the preparations—”
“Don’t cross the line.”
At that cold tone, the servant flinched and stopped talking. Realizing belatedly that he (servant) was careless, his head bowed in dismay.
The only son of the Head was a cold-blooded person who never said a word of kindness to the servants. He didn’t know that maybe he would punish him for getting on his nerves.
When the servant began to tremble, there was a sound of wind-like laughter. The servant carefully raised his head, doubting his ears.
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Surprisingly, his master’s lips were again smoothly curved. Obviously, it was a relief, but he couldn’t estimate at all what made him laugh again.
“If you want, it would be good to meet and travel together.”
“……..What?”
Alan, who touched his chin slowly, muttered.
“I’m waiting.”
