About Your Pride and My Prejudice

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The words of a young maid shook my life vigorously, having lived my life in inferiority and self-pity all my life.

My misfortune and suffering can be a luxury. How narrow was my life?

That night, I lit a candle on the table with a complicated mind. It was a quiet night with no wind.

“Paradise on the Moon.”

My first unfinished novel. I was deeply in love when I was writing this story.

To be exact, I had a terrible crush.

One of the reasons for the selection of my novel, which the Academy revealed in its letter, was its dense portrayal of emotion. What was written at the very beginning of the letter was the evaluation that my novel led the emotions of the characters excellently.

The secret to how this portrayal of emotions was so well-deserved is, of course, that I transcribed my actual feelings. The harsh and ardent feelings of love that I had written down as if I was possessed. It was indeed a fever that was both devastating and sublime.

As I read 

 after a few months, the thought that came to my mind was that the handwriting was someone else’s and felt unfamiliar as if it was not mine.

However, the novel clearly reminded me of how I came to write these scenes and sentences in the end and how my feelings for Alan had changed.

For example, the shock of learning that it was Alan Leopold who saved me from the snow and writing a scene in which Troy saves the heroine out of the cold snow. That overwhelming feeling that cannot be described was revived intact through the words in front of me.

After the scene, even extreme joy was read in the part where the two described each other as the most brilliant lovers in the world.

L’I don’t mean to insult your family, but have you been taught to speak like that to the person who saved you?’

It was a bonus that I remembered what Alan had said a few days ago. As soon as I heard that, my face turned red and I raised my voice.

But it’s true that I can’t be purely grateful if I think he was able to find me falling in the snow because he followed behind me.

If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be able to breathe and think this way, but saving my life doesn’t mean it’s okay to go through such a bizarre situation.

Of course, I’m not saying I’m not grateful for saving me.….

In addition, the novel reminded me of this memory. A carriage sent by the prince was waiting for me in front of the house.

That day I was returning from a meeting with Mr. Brickhouse— now the husband of Viola, but not at the time— the carriage took me to the palace. The expression “took me” is a bit disrespectful, but there’s no other word that’s more appropriate.

(T/N: here, according to the customs of that time, it’s respectful to say, escorted/led. But using the word took is a bit disrespectful)

In the Prince’s greenhouse I knew he had mistaken me as Alan’s lover, and when I denied it, he said he would go straight to Alan.

The despair I tasted that day was so terrible that I didn’t want to remember it again. The abyss of fear that struck me the moment I thought I would be the object of Alan’s hatred and contempt.

There have been countless years of desperate longing and thirst, hoping that he would look back at me one day. Even if I can’t wish for the same affection I had for the person I’ve loved so earnestly, I don’t want to be hated by him.

I wish I could go back to a time when he didn’t even know I existed, and I prayed with tears that I would rather go back to the days when I was by his side like transparent dust.

For the rest of my life, I didn’t want to know how miserable and painful it felt and what the tears I shed were like.

The anxiety that grew in me after that day desperately melted into the deep love and longing of the two characters in the novel. After a period when they were wary of each other’s existence, they became each other’s world as if by fate, and Troy imprisoned the female protagonist who was afraid of emotions that grew out of control.

I never imagined that the last scene would become a reality.

“……ha.”

I laughed bitterly because if I cried now, I would really fall apart..

I was forgetting quite smoothly about how terrible and tearful my story was written only a few months ago, but I ended up unintentionally recalling it.

The Academy called it a beautiful novel to be true, but they were merely comfortable bystanders. Did they even see the tears left on the manuscript?

If only I could turn back time, and go back to the days when I first knew him, I would sell my soul in order not to love Alan. I was young, innocent, and had nothing, and I loved him with all that I had. Without even imagining that the price would be so ugly.

Every time the memories of holding him in my heart come to me, a storm surges in my heart. Even if it’s a fragment, to say that this feeling isn’t love would be a joke.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love Alan anymore.  Sadly, this is my impression of re-reading

.

And I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to continue this story.  Even if Alan Leopold has dyed my heart with his color over the years, time will eventually lift my hand if I want to push him away completely.

With that in mind, I blew out the flickering candle. The pitch-black darkness was as cozy as ever. I felt like I could say everything I wanted to say if I faced him again. For the first time.

* * *

“Sir Alan!”

“Are you coming in now?”

Young people gathered in the garden politely welcomed the young businessman who returned to the office after suffering from the disgusting human groupings all morning. Scholarship students from the kingdom were having field trips and helped the family (Leopold) business.

But Alan couldn’t afford to accept their cheerful greetings. Giving only a simple nod, he entered the building with a rather hasty, nonetheless, unobtrusive pace.

As expected, what awaited him in the Principality was indeed a mountain of work. Investing in railway businesses that would be a conduit to a new era, expanding trade items with the Hwa Empire, and planning Leopold’s philanthropy to establish his name in the Principality. It was literally an endless procession of work.

Alan literally put his life and soul into the new business of Lunoa, which he first took charge of under his own name, so he tried to be perfect in every moment. It was for that reason that all agenda items were reviewed and directed directly by himself. None of his staff could completely replace him.

As his father said, Alan had a natural entrepreneurial temperament, even though he did not have a single drop of Leopold’s blood. So far, it was tolerable. The problem was to stamp his face (show his face) on various gatherings and social clubs that were constantly looking for him.

He hated people and relationships with people.  He was willing to hang out with boring humans to cement his reputation as quickly as possible, but felt as if he had reached his limit every time.

The reason was that no matter how early the business was, sleeping at night in a new place called home was extremely rare. It was really annoying that he couldn’t even go and rest even though he finally had everything. To the extent that it even raises a sense of impatience.

It was fortunate that he could go home after a long time. Last night he met everyone’s expectations flawlessly, so no one dares to criticize him for not hanging out with the old businessmen of the Principality for two days in a row.

‘If only I could handle the documents that need to be checked urgently and go back to the mansion before dinner.’

If that’s the case, they might be able to eat together today. A woman who always makes him laugh in a new way, who blindly asks if he loves her.

However, as soon as he opened the office door, touching his tired eyes after walking through the long hallway, his expression changed like a sharp blade that could no longer be sharpened.

“Baby!”

“William.”

Alan called out the name of the butler who stood beside him instead of the woman who was waiting for him with a lovely face.

“Yes, master.”

“I don’t remember anyone being allowed in the office.”

“……she came to the office early in the morning.”

Alan reluctantly gave the woman a cold look as the butler bowed awkwardly.

Surely Monica seems to have killed time here for quite some time. It was not difficult to infer the fact even with her rather dry skin, lips, and the state of the teacup in front of her.

But that’s her situation.

“I was told not to come.” (Monica)

“Are you still angry? I took out all my luggage…….” (Monica)

“Ha.” (Alan)

Monica had an uncharacteristically sullen face at Alan’s chilling derision.

“You may ask William…….” (Monica)

The whole story was like this. Monica, who first returned to Lunoa with the family’s servants, stayed in Alan’s mansion and waited for him to come.

What Alan bought was an old castle with dozens of rooms located on the outskirts of the capital. It would not be unreasonable to interpret that he was finally ready to greet someone.

So she had no idea that Alan, who had finally entered the Principality, would be so angry.

The two were once each other’s only friends, even if they were always cynical. Naturally, Monica knew his wounds and secrets, and there was no need to be hurt again by the coldness that came from him.

Moreover, she firmly believed that she was the only one who could understand and embrace Alan’s flaws, and truly love him in any form.

Nevertheless, she had never seen Alan this angry and cruel in her life that day, so she almost burst into tears at that time.

‘Get out of here right now.’

It was a scene that she would remember for a very long time, perhaps forever, but she managed to hold back tears, not knowing the meaning of his first business to Alan Leopold.

She should have just hugged and comforted him with a lot of thorns on him. Until everything is settled down.

That is the role of a woman who will become a spouse.

But Monica never dreamed of it. Her beloved Alan’s hasty hiding of a woman in the basement of the mansion to avoid being caught by her.

“Baby, please don’t make a scary face……. You know I’ve been waiting for you to come to the Principality.”

Seeing her jewel-like blue eyes slowly getting teary, Alan turned his head with a tired sigh. Of course, he could moderately sooth her. That may be the most efficient and wise move.

However, the young businessman was inclined to make sure of anything.

“Whatever, go back today.”

Monica immediately stood up at the sound of his voice that had subsided. Barely moving her pitiful lips that had been trembling.

“I’ve seen your face, so that’s fine. You’ve been busy since the morning. Right? When the business settles down, we—”

“Monica.”

“…….”

“To be clear, it has nothing to do with business.”

If Monica Elwood met his muse in the annex, something would happen, and he had no patience to endure the uproar.

“Don’t come to my house.”